These things I know

This is what I know........
I am sitting in a theatre full of
loud school children.
The one next to me
wears blue headphones.
I am wearing my green dress
with flowers.
I am trying to wait for the show to begin
amid
incoherent chattering of children.
I have 2 masses.
One in my abdomen.
One in my uterus.
I have a CT scan tomorrow.
I want to sleep.
Eyes.

Zombies and mermaids....oh my!!!!!!!!

Merry Winter!

meloncholy

No computer=????

I never thought having a computer would matter that much. Really.

We have no internet(except my pld skool phone) and no TV. It's a cool time to watch my son fill his time without me nagging him off the computer.

And who could blame him?

He is a boy.

He is visual.

Games are awesome.

So I am told.

Yep.

That's the kicker.

Mama ain't no computer playa.

Hem. Hem.

Except the Facebook and such.

So, I have the Comcast number written down to call for a time to "hook-up" our hook-up.

What shall we do when the computer comes to call?

The Heart Rate Increases

New school and student for me. Eek.

New school for G. Eek.

Moving into new apartment in new town a week after school starts. My stomach hurts. I wanna puke. I am trying to take it in stride, but my body is betraying me.

Parents moving to Arizona. Dad has another heart issue. Sigh.

Wants love. Tried again. Again. Blah. They want to fuck me. Not date me. I have no time.

I have my child 24/7. Shit.

Embrace the chaos!!!!!

Pale Shelter

Our assembly today-Columbine survivor speaking about a friend teaching Kindness

http://www.rachelschallenge.org/

Rachel Scott was the first person killed at Columbine High School on April 20, 1999. Her acts of kindness and compassion coupled with the contents of her six diaries have become the foundation for one of the most life-changing school programs in America. Powerful video/audio footage of Rachel's life and the Columbine tragedy holds students spell-bound during a one hour school presentation that motivates them to positive change in the way they treat others.

Nicole Nowlen PRESENTER:
Nicole is a former Columbine student who was in the school's library that day. After surviving being shot by the gunmen, she graduated from Columbine in 2001. Since her graduation, she shared her story with hundreds of thousands of people. Since 2006 she has been sharing Rachel's story across the country and even in Canada and Bermuda. Nicole has been featured in People and Teen People magazines as well as on The Today Show and The Montel Williams Show. Nicole hopes that Rachel's story impacts students to make a difference in the lives of others that are around them every single day.

I am not sure how I will react. I work with a student in 6th grade diagnosed with autism. I am unsure of their reaction as well. Just thinking about where I was that day and how this assembly, in a middle school, will be taken by students and adults alike..........................off .

Sometimes the love is too infinite for words.

The Hunted. The Prey. THe lost. Remember.......

Remember when you were the hunted

Remember how I swallowed you in

Remember the rewards shimmering on the floor

Off the plastic chandelier

Remember when I saw you in orbit

Remember when I pulled you back in

Remember looking on blinking into the dawn

Thinking how this will never end

Surrounded

Let's romanticize our beloved memories

Surrounded

Let's demonize our softest injuries

Surrounded

Can we get behind distortion and liberties

Surrounded

We're surrounded, spiraling

Remember when I played assassin

Remember when my joking turned grim

Remember how we thought if we followed the dots

It would stop all the accidents

Remember when you broke my halo

Remember how I tied your wings in

Remember how we slipped all the lies we equipped

Just to bring back the goods again

Surrounded

Let's romanticize our beloved memories

Surrounded

Let's demonize our softest injuries

Surrounded

Can we get behind distortion and liberties

Surrounded

We're surrounded, spiraling

Is it perfect in our little hell

Are you dancing or stumbling beside me

Well this might not be

We'll just wait and see

So now that we've stopped hearing echoes

And now that the replay wore thin

Just remember who held you, remember who held you

Remember who held you, remember who held you

Surrounded

Let's romanticize our beloved memories

Surrounded

Let's demonize our softest injuries

Surrounded

Can we get behind distortion and liberties

Surrounded We're surrounded, spiraling

Is it perfect in our little hell

muddy boots-blood splatter

Muddy boots
soiled heart
blood splatter
infallable tear
Dying leaves
shrunken soul
black teeth
seconds stop
still wind

Fantasy?

You make me wannnna uhh uhh uhh uhhhhhh
dance, sing, fuck, explore, smoke, drink, gimme water
open road, full tank, green, orange, red, sign up ahead
smile baby we on the road to nowhere fast
Aint it grand?

TRUST

I don't trust.
Why not? Is it something I fear? Can I sense when the lie comes out. So easily blown off. Maybe it's just the wrong people in my life. I try to make shit work, but in the end, it's the same ol shit. Or it's the simple fact that if I trust and begin to be happy, they will let me down. Toss me away. I am hurt. Is it really a privilage to talk with you? Could you not just call me? How come I don't believe that it's someone's friend. She is his best friend and she is bringing a friend. Who you say is not attractive. Does it really matter? We dont have to see each other. You could just pick up the phone. But, that would be toooo easy. And take you away from your company. Boo hoo.
Fuck.
I don't trust.

I am a fucking gullible MORON!

...........

Wonder Love

I found this picture again. I love this picture. I can see his dimple and the total wonder of his face. Not just the sweet smile. There's the boy with the gift of animals. He can feel a space and a beings mood almost instantly.

This was taken last December in California at Maggie's. I cannot believe it's been almost a year. He is so young looking here. So big. However, in this photo I see the essence of my child. The whole being and the utter love I have for this wonder. I get to witness this person everyday.

Lights go out and I can't be saved

Tides that I tried to swim against

You've put me down upon my knees

Oh I beg, I beg and please, singin'Come out of things unsaid

Shoot, an apple off my head.

And theTrouble that cant be named

The tiger's waiting to be tamed singin'

You are

Youare

Confusion never stops

Closing walls and ticking clocks

Gonna come back and take you home

I could not stop but you now know, singin'

Come out upon my seas,

Curse missed opportunities

Am I a part of the cure

Or am I part of the disease, singin

'You are, you are

You are, you are

You are, you are

Nothing else compares.

Oh, no nothing else compares

Oh, no nothing else compares

You are

You are

Home, home where I wanted to go

Home, home where I wanted to go

Home, home where I wanted to go

Home, home where I wanted to go

Right Where it Belongs

Books rock my world

Just a *few* books around my place :D

Today my son and I went to second hand stores. He usually balks because I spend wayyyy too much time looking at books! However, today he picked out two books!! Amazing, really. We also hit the library and he checked out a bunch of graphic novels to take home. Mouth open.....he has yet to understand my passion regarding books. He enjoys comics and graphic novels and I am gonna just go with the flow....................

I discovered a new author, Keith Donohue. I checked out his book, "The Stolen Child" about a child who hides in a hollow tree and is kidnapped by changelings, wild children who don't age and live in the darkness.............fantasy genre of course.

I was also taken by a graphic novel I had to read. "Mad Hatter III: Through the Looking Glass" by Liz Cavalier. Don't know too much about it, interesting art tho............

I have been a bit stressed lately and have not been reading. WHAT? My mind wondering off to other areas of my life, not the book at hand. Reading has always been my solace and I am again realizing why............

Peace.

Feeling restless

For a Friday Laugh :P

Ohh my. Ya, I just needed a chuckle today~ Happy Friday!